Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
