So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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