It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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