tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
