based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
