i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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