I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
