I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Your dad touched me again.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
