Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
