Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
