it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize