All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
