Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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