You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
