Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
