You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
