Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
