I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
