Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
