Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
