Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
