Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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