seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
