I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize