Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My dick has a subreddit
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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