Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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