I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
