he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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