My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
bring money and cleavage
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
