You can't motorboat a personality
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
