I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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