im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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