I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
