I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
