Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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