just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
