I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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