u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
