Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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