Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
wow bdsm is so cute
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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