im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize