? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
