"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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