forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
His hands were made for my vagina.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize