Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
