just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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