the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize