Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
