i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
