Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
