I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
