Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
