this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
