just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
