You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
