in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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