we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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