why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
