WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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