I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
