There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
