I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
