I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize