so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
