I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
