You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
