Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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