I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
