I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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