Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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