idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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