Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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