My liver just broke up with me...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
